Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
