you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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