i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
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That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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