i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
