im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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