I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
