it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
