The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
