What a fucking waste of an outfit
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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