Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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