my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
