All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
