waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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