at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
