You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
