She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
