Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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