ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
