I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
