You're my little dorito
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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