This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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