So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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