i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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