I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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