Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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