So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Boobs speak an international language.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
