I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
