You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
