just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
