remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
