What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
