I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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