You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
