Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
