pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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