my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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