I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
North Korea, Best Korea!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
