areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
