Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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