Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
