after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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