I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Sober January is a disaster.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
