so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
