fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
