I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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