Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
