my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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