Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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