Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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