the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
