i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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