just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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