y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
