Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
