yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
