apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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