last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
