fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
why do cheetos always look like penises
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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