He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
