You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
