i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Bring me that man meat
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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