Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
