omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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