I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
