Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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