i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I didn't shave. On purpose
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
