last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
