Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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