Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you win again, gameday.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Randomize
