so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
