You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
