What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
