We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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