This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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