Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
