Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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