I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
