i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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