We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
