Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
